Sunday.

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For some Sundays are a time of mourning that the weekend is drawing to a close but for me my end of the week is Mondays and usually I’ll distract myself with a Zumba class that night but as it’s school holidays they have not been on and my personal training sessions have left me feeling empty for the past two weeks. Like I’m incompetent or somehow missing the rush that I should be feeling. Perhaps I’m just not pushing myself enough or I’m over doing my mental capabilities. Because I am capable of many things. I can amuse a child for several minutes with some quirky tale off the cuff and I can soothe that child when they cry. These things make me feel accomplished and I can clean a house and iron or spend a day reading a captivating story. Recently I’ve begun a healthy active lifestyle and cut back on the junk food I usually ate. The thought of binging on sugar or chocolate doesn’t appeal much and if I do then I’ll feel sick. But the hardest step will be cutting out my comfort foods at times of need. Through this change I’ve noticed my body change not just in shape or weight but I crave different things. I’m more aware of what I need and perhaps more hopeful that I will achieve what I want. That I’ll move mountains to go to Jamaica or Cancun in 2017, that I’ll complete a run challenge without needing to stop to walk and find the person that loves me.

I’ve challenged myself with some of the negative aspects I contended with. The people that brought me to a negative place and the ones I’d rather not be around. The hardest part is the negativity in my own mind, I can only challenge so many battles at once by myself. I crave human interaction yet I resent it at the same time. How can I be at war with myself over such a simple human feat? Yet there it stands, I don’t mesh well with others at times. I fear the rejection they’ll send my way, that I’ll feel awkward or they’ll judge me for a multitude of reasons. But they says more of them than of me. I may judge others and I’ve been known to do just so but my opinions remain mine and I try to keep then inside my mind. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realised that everyone is entitled to respect no matter who they are or what interests them. They are living their lives and challenging their own battles.

For others Sundays are a time to worship the lord and thank him for the wonders of the world. I don’t necessarily believe in one true being but I don’t disregard the notion that there could be. I’ve spent Sundays in the church as a child in Sunday school and it has not shaken my core. Yet there must be something out there; and for this reason I call myself spiritual rather than religious for I believe in fate and destiny and a set course we each follow.

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