Words

words

Do these all sound the same? I’m feeling discouraged about writing at the moment, I do it for myself and I’m actually afraid to share my words. Does this reveal my darkness? The process helps my thoughts and I wish I didn’t have the need to seek approval. I hide in these paragraphs, describing my fears, hopes, obsessions and desires but it helps no one but me. Reinforcing my lack of a life or excitement. A darkness takes over my soul and then the words flow the darkness is a welcoming of words that are more colourful than those of the light. Am I just living in my head too much? Focussing on the dark and moody world.

I feel a spark of inspiration and a thousand words want to flow but then something stops me and I get too distracted by a household chore, or a book, or work or even my own little dream world while I sleep. I feel there is so much I want to say but alas these all seem to fail. I never claimed to be a professional at all these writings, but I feel that I need to write things down. To express myself somehow, yes I am a perfection and I want to make everything perfect but this is only one form of it. I only have certain aspects to write about, broken friendships, families, passion for my band and longing for love. I don’t have the ability to actually write about things I don’t believe in. my heart breaks easily and I feel everything deeply.

I lose myself in words freely and emotionally, but I am unlike any other reader or writer, I take forever to read a book for I absorb everything and my mind wanders but I also don’t know how to skim words. I need to appreciate every single thing I see and take it all in. I don’t want to miss a thing of anything I hide within. It took me far too long to fall in love with the written word and now I’m struggling to catch up. I was eleven when my teacher encouraged me to read a Colin Thiele story, I believe it was high sky or something and I started this quest. I struggled with spelling tests all my life and it was only after high school that I’ve began to actually spell and understand the difference between it’s and its. My first real story was written at twenty one when I was in between jobs but I shan’t go into that for that’s another story. And I have hardly stopped since, I can look back on that story and still feel pride that I have written it although it is not as perfect as I would have liked it, it was a start and I know I have gotten better but by trying to be too perfect has possibly become my pitfall.

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