“He’s so tall and handsome and hell, he’s so bad but he does it so well” maybe Taylor Swift had it right. This line makes me think about the type of man I dream of. For at the moment there’s one that occupies my thoughts and dreams constantly who I have no chance with but he hardly fits that line aside from the tall and handsome parts. I’d hardly call him bad unless it’s at the times I don’t see him but who knows. I don’t see him that often. At least I’m aware of the bad things he is in my dreams, but that could be pure fiction to me. He does not belong to me but he does belong to my dreams, the man that triggers off intense feelings and wonder. How my dreams began is a mystery but he is always there and it’s a relief to be welcomed into dreamland with him. He eases the stress of the day that has been with his words and caresses when he welcomes me into the dreamland. Part of me wishes I could stay there forever with him but the truth is that I can’t stay there more than required because reality is a monster that returns when I open my eyes to face the day.
Perhaps the idea of him is enough to get me through the day. That the daydreams he possesses make me smile randomly and make my jump a little at the thought of him. But for the most part I am surprised that he has become such a big part of daydreams and that he is now occupying me enough to write this about him. I know this is one sided but there is no harm in having these thoughts as they keep me somewhat motivated to keep going through the day. That the world feels a little safer knowing that I can return to a place of dreams where he is and welcomes me. Maybe it just gives me hope that one day I shall meet the one that belongs to me, the one that is tall and handsome and sees me in a somewhat similar fashion. That maybe eventually I will meet him and he may not be this man that occupies my dreams at the moment.
Welcome to the daydreams where white horses and princes roam free inside my head and I picture being rescued by a knight. Purely a fantasy I know but maybe I long for that prince charming to arrive soon as I’m fairly sure he of my current daydreams is not my future. Yes that makes my heart ache but I will be able to discover life without him eventually and perhaps this is the simply the beginning of the rest of life with a real flesh and blood man that is handsome, tall and fulfils every desire I have for the future and myself. He may be a bad boy or not so bad but maybe a bit of both is what a woman needs, a man that with a so called bad streak that can be expressed in moments but he can contain it at other times too. I guess that one day I’ll know for sure if my prince charming possesses these characteristics or if I need to rescue myself.
I do still believe in fairy tales and I grew up believing that love, magic and happiness would happen. I’m still waiting for the truth of those meanings to occur but until then I have the dreams and thoughts that keep me warm for a bit. But alas I still crave the warmth of a beating heart and two arms to embrace me while I fall asleep to the sound of his breathing. I am a believer in true love but perhaps the man in my dreams is not the one to provide that, even still he has taught me that I am capable of feeling something for a man. I’m not immune to a man’s words or gaze or a need of longing to be touched in a simple way yet I am content to wait for the right one, for the right touch to heal my heart and complete the ache inside. But will I know that he is the one?