I stand on this ledge, the ground below is a long way down and the sky rises high above me. Do I take a plunge and jump into the river rushing past or somehow reach the clouds and fly free. There are obstacles coming from all sides and I can’t shake them. Don’t they know I’m blocked and my level is reached? I don’t have the energy to fight any longer. I’m completely stuck and they’re encroaching isn’t happening to help. There’s responsibility, he looms, so large and cuddling up to duty while passion and desire circle over a haze of the unknown in a deep red colour. Above all sits a halo called hope. It hovers over everything with its crystal glassy surface. Right at the ground the tattered remains of confidence and belief lay unguarded. They flutter slightly and suddenly they’re travelling forward enveloping me completely and seeping into my body and soul. Either way, if I fall or fly. It’ll be a change and shift the guilt within me. Six plus months of struggle is enough for anxiety to develop in each obstacle, wrapping its web of darkness everywhere.
I can stretch out my unused dust covered wings and fly into the sky welcoming the rainbows, sunshine and become one with the flight world or shall my wings shrivel and remain full of dust pulling me to the darkness where despair and self-esteem lay. But perhaps there’s a way I can get from this ledge to that one over there, an invisible bridge that I have yet to see hidden within the horizon. This bridge that connects two ledges and can only be seen by those that believe. What if I stop believing half way through, I’ll need to rely on my broken wings to set myself free or crash into that river? I know the worst of these but if I don’t at least try then I’ll be stuck on this ledge for all time with no movement at all and that’s just as bad.
But perhaps I’ll get stuck half way down this mountain on that jagged little ledge and I’ll have to scramble up that wall. I see fear arise from the river below forming a black cloud in the space next to my spot on this ledge. I could scramble to hold myself on that ledge, but if I can’t regain the hold of my hand on that jagged little ledge then I will plummet without any rescue. If I fell there I would not be able to save myself, it’s far too small and the only way is down from there.
There’s a leap I must take and I may crash against the river stones or hit my head and break my neck but I cannot do nothing, these obstacles are every way I turn and one of them will get me somehow. It must be my choice to decide which one I tackle and which ones I will defeat and conquer. Responsibility will always loom alongside duty and I will feel immense guilt if I suffer a misstep with either of them. The deep red of desire crawls inside my soul and pushes me on through the fear tangled inside my body and hope hovers over it all reminding me that this is the only thing that I can count on. I must have the hope that this step will work, I can leave behind the things I want to with one step at a time and I can fly.
So I take the step…