Today the world sent me a challenge, it wanted me to crumble and fail due to my body shape. The world has a belief that our body is meant to be a certain way to be the best. Society presents an image and provides only the minimum. Yes my body is changing but not to that point that apparent society expects. I am not a size eight and my chest is not shrinking along with most everything else. The world expects females to be skinny with long legs and such flirty ways. Stop sending me these messages world and making me feel like I’m inadequate. Everyone is special to you or at least they are meant to be. People bring you to life and yet you let society decide what the popular thing is and that the people that don’t follow these rules are outcasts. You’ve determined that women must be a certain way, that men must be all powerful and that I am stuck with crippling negativity because I do not meet your ideals. You are causing the people to lose their purpose and struggle. To me I am losing a battle with your idea of perfection and this thing of expectations.
The world is pushing us and the signs of defeat are coming. The walls closing in and there’s no room to breathe in the positive qualities of myself. I’m being told to rush through my life rather than ease down and take it slower to really learn the new skills and take my time. I’ve never been a high achiever and seek out the moments of simplicity in the world. Get rid of the pressure or scream, I cannot cope with expectations and my own are worse than that of the world. I have images of how my world is cracking, it’s breaking apart slowly or is that the thing about growing up, the fantasy disappears and reality overwhelms. Small events add to a skewed mind and belief when these challenges are part of the journey. This is simply a moment in time where I’m questioning the point but my mind races and I know it’s not forever.
Would the world have been like this if other life events had unfolded? If I’d fallen in love or been more academic or perhaps i would’ve been worse off than now. The world has set me on a path to challenge what I know and feel comfortable in my own skin. The world is changing and yet my world is getting smaller and bigger at the same time. I am expanding my mind and the circle of influence I have. In my world I stand tall most of the time but have moments where I hide. Perhaps this isn’t the way I imagined the world turning out at this age. I had expectations that I’d be in love with children by now but no that hasn’t happened. I came up with a theory a while ago that I am meant to do something before that comes my way, I just don’t know what that thing is. It is a belief, a determination and courage to take on the world and acknowledge that while you can’t change it you can make it less scary and yourself more at peace.
My world is one I know filled with music, writing, fitness and books etc. and I’m not ashamed that I dwell in it at times. I live in this bubble and the outside world is beyond walls of security. Maybe my world is increasing slowly and comfort levels are changing but it’s in steps. I am overwhelmed by the hold that world has on me and the dreams just beyond my reach. I’ll try to stay in my bubble longer without pushing somehow and it ends with a mess. I am not confident to knock down walls without protection despite the want to burning in me. A world could consist of many things or only one but the physical world is proving to me there’s so much difference between everything and it makes a bubble more appealing yet there is only one way to pop it and that’s to have courage to do so. The world can be anything you want.