Sheltered

You say you can protect me from the evils of the world, all I have to do is take your hand and a leap of faith. You want to hold me at nights when the darkness creeps in and becomes too much but are your arms all it will take to push that fear away? I want to trust you and allow your hope to fill me but how can I make a shelter with you when even within my heart there is often no peace there. Sometimes I wonder how you found me and you were the one thing I wanted all along, but you do not provide everything to me. You say you will help me that you love me completely but I do not trust myself. I question the shelter you provide and if I keep it at this pace I’ll destroy this thing we have, ruin part of my shelter anyway by own hand. You say you understand that it takes time but can you just hug me already and let me cry.

You wipe my tears, kiss my forehead and declare the future is brighter tomorrow. That after darkness can only come light. You think only words can soothe my soul but it takes more most of my shelter is lost to the anxiety that corrupts my thoughts, there’s no inner peace and I wish to dream of better days where a shelter exists. How can I be all as I stay in your embrace? How can you be all you want holding me more than I possibly deserve? I’ll be filled with guilt that I am demanding and needy and destroying your life. You may say that you don’t mind but I do. You may be my shelter but I have family when I break your heart. I will push you away, dismantle the web of us and have another reason to blame myself for hurting us. You deny the options and claim that I’m a precious porcelain doll but does that really help?

You found me hiding in a corner, a step away from crying and you took my hand, maybe even my heart then. But is that all I may be to you, a girl to save? A constant need of your attention and nothing more? Is that why you stay but I cannot exist without your shelter so if you leave my world will dissolve and no safe place will remain. You have dreams to follow and a life to continue that doesn’t involve me. I find strength in your arms and this shelter reminds me to be strong. I listen to my heart and you belong within it as I do in yours but how can it all be about us. Does the world not spin when we apart? Are you meant to be the only place I feel safe? Am I meant to be ever free with my own wings? To take them to the sky and break my chain that connects me to you. I need you for far too much and I wish I didn’t need you so.

You answer every phone call and you send me cute little messages that make me smile and bring me a moment of sunshine but then you disappear and the world fades to dark. How did I become that girl? That only finds true shelter in your arms. I want more than you, I want to ride the concert fever and travel my emotions from front row centre. I want to fly off the ground and break my boundaries of shelter. I want to be my own form of security and rely on myself to free myself and not need you constantly. I want to run away from you and force myself to break a heart. To challenge the security I feel with you and not need you as much. I need to discover what shelter really means to me and find the ways to make that reality.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s