Boys

When we are young there is a thing called cooties or boy germs like they have an infectious disease and they are to be avoided. You stick to your own kind and tell yourself that boys are icky. Only the few in your family are not so icky and you always know your daddy is different, he doesn’t have those germs but little brothers do and they smell. But at some point you grow up and develop a crush on a boy in the public eye who you don’t know personally but that boy has no cooties in your mind’s eye – he is perfect to you and your head is filled with ideas that you will be the one to marry him. Even when you get older you know it was silly but realise that back then he was your world. Real boys are still infectious or are they. The point you begin to change, when puberty arrives everything changes and girls feel a need to explore make-up and heels and randomly see boys in a new light. They stop having boy germs and become mysterious people only. Boys discover something about girls of themselves that tells them they have a reaction to a particular girl. But it’s different for a girl who has been taught a certain way. Boys only want one thing and they must not get it yet. At some point a boy and girl mutually decide they like each other and then they date and the process continues, they love, break-up, meet someone new till the one arrives.

But what about the ordinary girls, the ones like me that have yet to know the mutual affection. The girls that have protected their hearts and are approaching their thirties as a spinster despite the love contained within their hearts. The girls who try to be ok with their lives but seek something more. The girls that are late bloomers and realise later in life that boys are not so icky because they’ve been uncomfortable with boys for over half of their lives. The girls that knew they’d been overlooked in their younger years for physical reasons and blamed themselves. How about the girls that were once shy and scared? These girls just want a chance to know the way it feels, to have a dream come true. These girls are the ones that want to be loved, that are capable of loving completely and utterly capable to but they are the ones that are overlooked by those that have developed and grown into themselves earlier. It’s told to girls from a young age that boys only want one thing and girls only want a boy to like them as they are, they are under pressure enough without the added pressure of just being another notch on a bedpost.

I am one of those girls that has grown up without any interested from a boy and now I’m not even looking for a boy as such. By this age I now believe that a boy would not be right for me and rather a man is what I’m looking for but of course I have far too many issues with myself to appear in anyway attractive to someone of that calibre. Someone that has experience with the girls of their youth and I have none. Yet due to that there’s a saying that plain girls know more about men than pretty ones do. So how ironic I think of myself as plain when honestly I don’t believe I am, sure I’m not supermodel pretty but I am by no means plain. And that’s not to talk myself up because I don’t want to believe that I do that. But I sincerely hope that a man can look beyond this plainness and see someone worth pursuing that will somehow understand that I’m a different girl to every other one and yet not mind that at all.

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