There’s something to be said for the miracle of time, how things can change if given enough of it. In several months I’ve blossomed and I didn’t even realise it. I’ve gained a lot of confidence and changed into a new woman. I didn’t notice the small steps or the big ones along the way but I take a look back and I can see it now. Time has turned me into someone new filled with confidence and a desire for life. I’ve realised that I’ve only been hiding behind clothes that are ill fitting and now I’ve challenged that belief and I’m continuing to do so with the public perception of myself. I’ll start smaller and build it up. The fact that I’m starting to wear shorts in public and not feel so self-conscious. I’ve shaken off the old me and working on the new one. My aim has changed, and that scared girl I once was is no longer overtaking me. I am a fighter and a stronger person than I’ve been ever in my life. I am projecting this confidence to the world without actually trying. It must be something about me because the truth is I haven’t noticed the big things a lot but other people have, they can see it and call me on it.
They see the physical difference and the confidence that has bloomed seemingly overnight to me. It’s sometimes nice to see yourself through the eyes of another person and someone who doesn’t see you every day. It’s happened slowly but from one conversation with such a person and the little moments become apparent. I can see the effect of positive living and the strength that comes from surviving a broken heart. The type of woman I was before wouldn’t have believed I could ever be at this point. I feel so deeply and I used to stress easily about what people thought of me and the things control can’t contain. But now it’s not that way, there’s just a part of my brain saying do what you want and respect others – it’ll be ok. Perhaps I’ll be able to express myself to others, and not actually care if the response isn’t ideal. I have the confidence to partake in the things I love and not feel shame for it. Yet I am able to respect that others have different opinions and that’s ok. I have changed a lot in that regard, accepting the differences of people and not let it affect me personally. There is a confident streak shining within me that overflows to the world and sparkles.
And yet there’s still a part of me that says I want to be a girl that feels comfortable in her skin. The girl that a man can look at and see she carries depth and charm. I’d like to be that girl that contains a heart and Beauty. A woman that feels deeply but enough to know her limits. A woman that can instantly be recognised by her reputation. Maybe even be that girl that feels comfortable in a bikini or nothing at all. That I can feel happy with how my life is turning out or have the confidence to change the things I don’t like. I wanna be that girl doesn’t need approval from others. A girl that stands tall and believes in herself. I want to be that girl that defeat the darkness and constantly be filled with light. A woman that isn’t afraid to change her current circumstances because she’s at the end of her rope. The woman that isn’t afraid to travel, that can actively seek out her dreams and pursue them, who doesn’t let the negativity interrupt her life.
All these things may have just happened in the time they were meant to and perhaps in more time I will become even more confident a woman and achieve the things that I actually want.