Ordinary

How does one go from ordinary to extraordinary? It could perhaps be in the eye of the beholder, a glint of light that someone sees behind the mask. But behind our own eyes is another story. We wear jaded glasses only remembering the negative comments of others. The ones that seem to stick in our minds and make us doubt ourselves. But everyone is extraordinary, all it takes is for one thought to flow through us and we begin to see ourselves in that light. Yes we are still aware of the darker parts of ourselves but the lighter are the ones that we reflect on and engage us to be better. We discover this through a journey, perhaps with another person or simply within ourselves when given enough motivation.

There’s a hope I always hold in my heart, that everything happens for a reason and while the answer isn’t presenting itself as yet, it’ll become clear eventually. I’d like to believe that my reason for being will reveal itself sooner. For this life is a series of events connecting me to people, places, songs, books and random shining moments? I’ve been through hell, suffered a broken heart and relationships. I struggle with fear of the unknown and my perception that I’m not intelligent, clever or beautiful. I dislike change on a grand scale but I’m getting slowly better at dealing with the web it weaves over me. I crave security and perfection but I lack the ability to keep hold of it. I am an identity crisis, still thinking of myself as a young person in her youth when rather I’m in my late 20’s and only now attempting to seek my dreams. I seek clarification and a hand to hold, my deepest wish is love of another being and warm arms to embrace me during the night but that wish has somehow taken a back seat to accepting myself and being in touch with my inner self.

I watch those around me achieve your goals and I adore and admire their success yet I wonder if the success of mine is still ahead or has it passed me by. Have I become a product of this day and age; simply living beyond days and my expectations, too lazy to really push myself to what I seek? I know we are merely a collection of passions and to pursue one does not mean losing faith in the others. Life is merely moments to treasure, to show those passions to the world and share our talents with others. Our lives are simply the opportunity to do so, to find people that share these passions and talents within their souls as well. The best kind of people are the ones you can engage in conversation with about the mutual passion and feel blessed by their impact. Yet there’s the others that push the passion or interest to a level of hate and try to make you question your involvement in said talent, passion or interest but the world is already full of darkness so accept the differences we must. It may not be yours but respect is highly regarded as a virtue and why burden yourself with more negativity.

Sometimes I feel like I’m living too much in my head but when I try to change that something inevitably forces me back to a comfortable space. Retreat back to what I know and for a while I feel stuck. Yes I have hope that eventually I’ll be able to get through this and make a mark on the world like others but for now I just need the sounds and sights that are familiar and welcoming. I think I am doing better but I am by no means extraordinary yet I am not ordinary like everyone else. I must be somewhere in the middle of these. And somehow I still believe that somebody one day will find that spark within me that to them makes me extraordinary and likewise them to me.

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