It all happened quickly and now I begin to challenge it. Yes I want to be around him, to be held in his arms and feels his lips on mine but perhaps I’m too absorbed in this. Perhaps I’m afraid that I’ll lose myself or expecting the worst. I’ve never been the best with change and this changes so much. I’m falling for him deeper every day and that scares me. How much I’m beginning to depend on him. How he can read me so well and challenge me at the same time. For so long this is what I wanted and the reality hits, sometimes I want to run and return to what I knew but I know he’ll fight and that gift where he sees my soul will prevent my ending this. Perhaps this was the timing that fate demanded, pushing me to challenge myself. That he is the way to work through the fear and challenge the future. But oh how does this unfold to the point I can completely be free. Free from fear and the pain of losing more. Such is the whirlwind it’s been and the emotions I’ve already experienced.
With him I want to be better and help him to be whom he wants too. It’s only that I’m not used to the part where someone cares, where he’s always thinking about me. It’s the strangest of feelings that this is occurring. To see what it all means and explore seems to be frightening and perhaps a little exciting. To me he is becoming a prince, one that could potentially hold my heart forever and take me to so many new places. There will become times that I just can’t stop the fear but with him he understands and he sees it without being afraid. There’s a way he looks at me that seems to change my plans, and all I simply wants is to be near him.
The only thing I have ever wanted was someone like him and now he’s here and it would seem everything is falling into place. There’s a sense of peace that has overtaken me mixed up with this blooming love thing and it’s changed my outlook on everyday life for certain. I see sunny days and blue skies a lot more than previously but there’s always a nagging sensation that I should curl back into myself and not be the annoying girlfriend that says anything for fear that he’ll turn around and end it. Despite his words to the contrary, there’s always the looming fear that I could do or say something that will push him away. And yet I still believe that it’s not enough to cause the end of this relationship. He is strong, brave and full of courage with a heart as big as can be. And somehow he loves me for everything I am flaws and all.
It’s seemed to have settled into something of a pattern, what this thing may be long term I really have no idea and I don’t want to try to predict that. He makes me happy and for now that is enough. He brings smiles upon my face constantly and there’s something inside me that feels such happiness at a thought of him. He knows my fears and my flaws and yet he’s sticking around and for that I must be grateful. I wasn’t putting on any act when he began to fall for me, I was simply being me and not expecting that he would be around the corner. I was on the verge of actually giving up and for so long I had believed that would be the case and then he arrived and now there’s a whole other level that I’m challenging myself at.
At first I was afraid of being with him and then over time it has changed so that now I am afraid of not having him around so things are absolutely changing. This is new and I’m thankful that he found me when he did, that he has become an important part of my life in so many ways and that he wants to be a part of this journey. That together is something we are. Even if I may freak out occasionally and want to run I know that this is simply a natural occurrence. That I waited this long for someone to come along and whisk me onto this journey and now here it is. Bring it on!