Explosions

index

There are three sides to a story, her story, mine and the truth. I’m not innocent of what happened but neither is she. In what way does maybe, I need to check mean it’s a promise and it reaches the point where she gets so angry as I promised her this thing when I swear there’s no way that maybe could mean it’s a definite yes. And then she runs through a list of taunts and threats, and public bashing about me. I resisted that need and instead I kept the reaction to a small immediate group and never attempted to ruin her reputation. Perhaps there’s a level of maturity that I’ve accumulated and she is reacting to the immediate situation rather than seeing it in the mature light. I must admit that when she threatened with legal action I was shaking but after consulting others it would seem that this would be trivial to the police and the courts would never take it on. However the truth is I am a little rocked by this revelation and how she went off at the people in my life and one conversation where she believed she was talking to my father and ranted to him about me being with my boyfriend under his roof, I mean really in what way would that matter; she clearly has no idea the relationship I have with both my father and my boyfriend and in what way is that her concern.

And I’ve had situations in the past where other people have reacted to me but this seems somewhat different as I thought I had finally reached a point where people had reached a level of maturity and were willing to work through things in a mature manner and not resort to immature childish tactics to get their way. Having a friendship dissolve over time is one thing but to have it done by explosive means is another, it’s she who chose it to end. I never resorted to swearing as a means of frustration and to get my way. But then I have this thing where I actually care what people think about me and I go out of my way to treat them in a decent manner. But she used that as a means to push me over, to knock my stable ground away from me. But anyone who truly knows me knows that the things I’m saying are true and I’ve reached a point where she cannot ruin that about me in the eyes of others, but I still have an uncertainty that she’ll try.

In many ways I am seeing in her a new light, and myself in a new light too. All of this made me question my character and then realise who really care about me and who will always be there for me. She brought to the forefront certain characteristics of herself that I had once overlooked and now see as flaws of her behaviour. And I may be guilty of comparing the two of us and knowing I’ve come out on top in that situation which makes me feel immense blame that I was able to do so. But anyone whose causes me to question my character and doesn’t realise the honest nature of my heart is not worth my time any longer. I’m far too old to need to reassurance from someone who seems to have a one sided view of what friendship is. I am a people pleaser and I like helping others but only to a point and it seems she may have reached that point, however I am not prepared to give a second chance this time, once someone takes the wrong road with me. I live my life in such a way that people genuinely know the truth about me and trust that I am honest with the most important things.

And I won’t let her ruin my life with the little doubts she has created within me, she has no true impact on my everyday life and in time she will simply become a small blip on the radar, merely a lesson to learn from and move on from.

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