Thirty

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So this is thirty, it always seemed so far away and now this is the year. The clock ticked over to another year around the sun and now my age begins with a three. A new decade arrived with hope and promise of wonderful things. A decade where my mind is right and the path before me is unfolding a day at a time. Thirty brings with it confidence and hope. The light of love shining on me as I journey into this journey into this decade with well-known eyes. I start this next circle around the sun with the expectation that anything is possible and with the knowledge that I’ve fallen in the past but always managed to pick myself up. I have the strength within myself to overcome any obstacles that present themselves and the past proves this tenfold.

In a life that has spaned three decades there have been many challenging moments and these may seem to continue. I have allowed fear to control most of my life and somehow reached this age without having achieved some of my dreams. But in other ways there are other dreams that have presented themselves that I didn’t even realise I wanted. I guarded my heart for so long that having those walls finally broken feels like a relief and an explosion. It took twenty nine years for someone to climb those walls and be stubborn enough to stick it out when I looked the other way. As I entered this fourth decade of my life with him and the knowledge that he has me in his heart and I have him in mine. There’s still an underlying fear that nothing about the future can be planned completely perfect and in some ways I am still clinging to that need to be perfect.

Thirty has so far brought with it the realisation that everything I want to be I already am, I am contented with what I have and what I seek is attainable. There is still hard work along the way but I’m not afraid of getting my hands dirty or falling and needing to pull myself back up. I’ve done it before and it’s only given me strength and wisdom. I have pushed through so many challenges, I’ve overcome hurdles I never believed I ever could and I’ve reached this point where things are mostly ok. I am able to laugh at myself now and I can see things from different points of view. I’ve learnt to be myself and that it’s ok I’m not a supermodel as my heart is pure and honest.

But thirty makes me everything clear, how fragile time and life are. That as every day is a gift time is also running out, that this may the decade that my consistency may change. I may take on new steps as marriage and children loom ahead of me. However this is the time for me to discover things about myself, to delve deeper and find out more about what makes me tick while my values and instincts stay intact. I’m nervous and excited to see what this decade brings.

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