Toxic

And why should I even care any more, you selfish person. It was always about you and everything to do with you. You complained for over an hour on the phone and I allowed it. Why do I let this bother my heart so and bring me to a place unsettled? I have more peace in my life now without you and that’s a true blessing. I wasn’t ready for things that you wanted to push forward but you made it seem important. Honestly my life is better without your toxicity and your anxiety seeming to override mine. I have enough trouble with my own, I can’t take yours on board and don’t demand I help you, that I need to do so. That is wrong and partly why I ran. I’m not all right I know but the point came and somehow you took a maybe to mean I promise. How I really don’t know. Maybe is not a yes, it means this could or not be. Don’t put all faith in one person or believe that they will somehow understand another person’s point of view. That’s what this has taught me. That some people are only in it for themselves and can’t recognise something that not everything goes your way all the time. Some people push you because they sense your giving heart and honest soul. They use their goodness and kindness to reach their own purpose. I won’t be mistaken again or fall for the tricks. I am thankful for the lesson this has brought and the gift of time to heel. I won’t let it define me but rather use it to discover the people that are real and won’t hurt or destroy my soul like you did. I am at a point in my life where I just want people and to be content with what I have. Perhaps that isn’t so for you and I pray you’ll find it one day. I won’t wish you pain or horror but karma is a funny thing and I imagine it’ll catch up with you. In your mind you believe it always has to be your way but that’s not how the world works.

However the lingering of almost three years is still on my mind and heart and I anticipate there will be future moments where we will be in the same area but I promise I will leave you alone but you may do the opposite. You may seek me out for some sort of resolution or gossip about me to others and with that behaviour what does that say about your character? You haunt me with the possibility of future attacks but it won’t stop me moving forward or living my life. It is building strength within me that eventually you won’t occupy a single thought. Sometimes people are only brought together for no more than lessons and it is clear you were so for me. I could name all your flaws and compare the ways I am better but why should I expel that energy on you and lower myself to your level. Your life is not mine and no longer will they intertwine for you’ve proven your immaturity and inability to react to others in a positive and productive manner. And now I know that one day I will only consider you as part of my past and the lesson that sometimes friendships are toxic and this one was so. We may never cross the same path in the same way again and I am grateful for that, for you have shown me what I truly appreciate and what qualities I seek in true friendships.

 

 

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